I undrestand, I mean I am a very undrestanding person.. that's the only thing that I am good at, being very undrestanding
It's just that most of the time I just don't get it...

I have started to hate my new friends, there are like two overachiever Arminians in the world and I get to hang out with them!!!!
Somewhere along the line stereotypes stopped working, being a nonachiever..
i was never informed.

what are the consequences of disowning one's mom? is that anti-non-achiever? has anyone done it and gotten away with it? i need advice...

i just filled out my time cards. four weeks worth of the vacation time i've been saving for three years now. it's three days plus fourteen, the whole thing. four hundred and eight hours. i hope my sleeping hours won't exceed sixty. that's three hours every night plus a few hours i know i'll dose off during the days. i've done four hours per night for a whole month before, so this shouldn't be that bad. do they have monsters in iran? low carb too? i'm sure they'll have red bull, it's so trendy iranian's gotta have it or...

change. change. change. me change. mom and dad change. sister change. friends change. friends married. friends' kids. streets change. cars change. weather change. Hi, my name is change, and I've been changing for five years and nine months now.

the question is pace. rat race. definitive motives or irrational exuberance? whichever, whose race is it anyways? which race? did i get out to win anything? or was it barely a survival strategy?

she said we'll go to kish together. i've never been to kish. i'm excited about kish, it's probably the only place that won't bring back any memories, whatsoever.

" Scanners are the people who are stuck in the present, they have completely blocked out the past, and refuse to admit that there is a future and they might live for a decade or two after today..."
I was watching PBS today...

it's happening, and i'm singing nonstop. y'all missed the moment when he was explaining each page to me, and how i couldn't care less, how i almost ran out, afraid they might change their mind, or that i might not be able to suppress my scream long enough to get out of that verdamnte securidad. gotta love america, immigiration services is invaded and completely run by immigrants.

so folks, you lot may start asking for souvenirs, i reserve the right to ignore some, but you never know, i might bring some too.

I traumatized my landlord's kitten hoping one day she gets tired of me and kicks me out...
No use, the other day she took the kitten to her room explaining her the fact that " Not everybody likes you!!!"
I even tried coming home really late and leaving early...
She is too understanding...
I don't have a lease, I can leave anytime that I want....
I know the moment I pack my bag and leave I will start missing Sophie, the kitten,I know I live a very dramatic life here in Vallejo ....

P.S : My favoriate conversation of the week

Mom: How was your day?
Son : Horrible...
Mom : why?
Son: Becasue I went to school
Mom: oh so how are your teachers?
Son : Awful...

this is going to sound very cheesy.

we were waiting for our 23" pizza when he said he'll look into teaching options in ucla. i told him he'd be too dumb to do that, and it came off rather too strong. we talked a bit and everybody said something and pizza arrived and we ate and left.

driving home i just couldn't figure why i did that. why did i tell him he should be too dumb to do that. am i jealous? did i really overreact because i knew i couldn't do that myself and i wanted to? i really hoped it wasn't that, but i couldn't articulate why else i would cough up my objection like that.

i am not jealous. i don't find life very exciting, and he is excited, and that makes me feel insecure.

ok this is worse than cheesy, this is just pure bullshit. whatev.

i took out my visa and said we should hold on to the new dollar for its charm, she handed it to the indian cashier guy and ignored me. i looked at the ticket and chuckled, she asked me if its my first time. she said her grandpa started it, she said we should never lose hope, i think there is no hope, but i don't think there's anything wrong with holding on to things that don't exist.

i hold on to my past, my home, my family. she's holding on to a&a who just moved back east. and now we're both holding on to a mega million ticket - not a super lotto one, because "remember super lotto is on wednesdays and saturdays". it's my first one, and it's all good.

latest update from the class...
The class resident lesbian hit on yet another persian girl, this one is married with a kid. I think she likes them exotic
Her first victim feels left out and neglected....

we almost got lucky today...a fire alarm, but unfortunately no real fire...
It's a shame, some of these idiots had a shot at death....

I just cant love the people here more, every morning I pass by this dude that I knew from childhood, and havent heard from in years.... He is now an Urthodox Jew..
We just pretend we dont notice each other...
even after we talked...

I am blogging here, in order to avoid this Armenian guy who is bored out of his mind and just wants to talk...
I am pretending that I am working on a case study....
The thing with this school is that, I actually like the classes and professors and books, and the library...
It's the people whom I can't stand...pretty much all of them
I prefer to blog about nothing than socialize with them...
They are painfully stupid, or maybe I am stupid..
or maybe nobody is stupid...
it's all about the prefrences, and stuff...
oh and today the Iranian girl who sits next to me and is actually married with a kid was crying becasue she Can't take good notes, I repeat she cries because she cant take good notes...
And also our class repesntatives asked for us to Email them our birthdays, so each month people who were born in that month will have a joint birthday with Cake " Isnt that sweet?" Asked the class representative!!!
And also it has been suggested that we have myspace accounts, so we can connect even more !!!!!
On the upside Berkeley is only half an hour away, now I have a new appreciation for dope!!!

and it's wave after wave after wave after wave spinning and pulling me down, and it always takes three years, exactly.

i got into this one of a kind school, and i screwed up all my final exams by third grade, like big time. my third year of highschool was exemplary in so little i achieved. i basically stopped playing piano, basketball and didn't study shit, all i did was coding on some stupid black and green terminals we'd just installed. i slam dunked on concours, got straight As the first two semesters, and i was called into the dean's office and almost kicked out the third year after i flunked circuits (ii) for the third consecutive time.

i joined the company exactly three years ago. i got promoted twice, i got two of the largest raises the company has ever granted. yesterday marked my third anniversary in the land of cubicles, i got called into my boss's office and received my notice. i will be laid off in a month if i keep missing the deadlines the way i have done in the past six months.

will you marry me? i'll let go in three years, or your money back.

Whenever I want something really bad and I can't get my hands on it...
I remind myself of the other people who also want that thing really really bad...
And then I think that if I had that thing then maybe I had to share it with those people, the less fortunate, and Viola I don't want "That thing," anymore.

"Feeling screwed up at a screwed up time in a screwed up place does not necessarily make you screwed up."

Pump up the Volume

i am dead sure that the creators of this have had no idea about how their product is going to be used. apart from my latest obsession, it's proving to be the most relaxing, therapeutic and tranquilizing activity of my spare time. it's the best remedy for nostalgy, and it does bring a lot of memories back; what better way to reassure yourself that you did have another life than finding your school, your home, your favorite late night fast food... obviously the effects of vivid memories on current mood and productivity rate of the addicts is indeed a complicated and controversial discussion outside the scope of this text.

departure is scheduled in 26 days and 4 hours. no travel documents yet. 50+ were deported last week with valid official visa stamps in their passports. some detained overnight, handcuffed too, even the little ones with the family. chinese embassy issued 58 visas today, or 200, or whatever, but they did it for every single one in the class, but they need to see me in person, maybe an interview, since i don't have a greencard. whetever, i'm not going anywhere without those papers anyways.

sister back home. home is happy, joy in their voices. keeps me going. life is a struggle between pain and boredom, as kk said, and i think i'm beyond bored.

i woke up at 4am on friday morning and went to bed at midnight last night. while old friends and interesting strangers were met and conversed with in between, a series of unfortunate events brought me in contact with 911 three times, twice into the ER and once into a knee high flooded bathroom. the following is a few actions i've learned not to pursue in the future :

- in case it's 4am and you're dead tired, and your best friend is lying in front of you on the ER bed bleeding nonstop, and if her finger's wired to a very interesting looking piece of electronic equipment with lots of small screens and colorful buttons on it, DO NOT push the red button that says 'push to activate'. i repeat, DO NOT listen to the red button, the displays will go bizerk and a most disturbing beep will begin indefinitely annoying the hell out of your pale and frustrated friend. in the event that you did, run for the nurse, make up some bullshit story like she flipped and pulled the wire and ask her to rush back in and shut the damn thing off.

- in case your friend asks you to go rest in the waiting room and there are two hispanic families sitting apart, and just in case there are a good number of cops sitting and standing around the area, DO NOT stare at the blood stains on shirts, hands, feet and the clothes of the people around you. also, refrain from sitting next to the one with the most number of stains on his shoes, specially if you're bald, wear a two-day old beard, a ragged t and cargo shorts. the other guy will start whispering something to the biggest and darkest of the cops who'll approach you with his eyes locked into yours, ask you for id and inquire if and how you know the guy next to you and his brother who just stabbed the other guys' buddy in that club in fremont. of course, it won't help that you stutter either.

- in case you've spent last night in the ER, have had a presentation at 1pm and have spent the whole day walking and talking to random strangers and have just had a red bull vodka after dinner and can hardly keep your eyes open, and if someone faints and you dial 911 and follow his instructions and bring the paramedics in, do NOT say yes when they ask if you're accompanying the patient to the ER. i repeat, it's ok to say no when her husband and another friend are already going with her. in the event that you can't say NO to anyone for the life of yours, take your own car, that way you might be able to get out when the nurse smiles her guts out that she's totally fine and she'll be released as early as two hours from now.

- in case you're just about packed and ready to leave your friend's apartment and suddenly notice that you've forgotten to put the mattress back into the wardrobe, and if the mattress refuses to fit into that top partition, DO NOT squeeze the mattress in. you will break the sprinkler that noone knew existed on the ceiling of the wardrobe which will connect you directly to an angry ocean of water which can't wait to flood the apartment.

- in case you're soaking in your wet jeans while desperately pushing your numb thumb into the non-visible sprinkler on the ceiling of the wardrobe and if the firefighter guy in cool sunglasses is standing at the corner chatting on his walkie-talkie DO NOT ask for his help. He'll take a wrench, pretend he's showing you how to shut the valve by performing the action on another sprinkler, and finally break the other one too. you'll go blind under the pressure of water and have to move the stool such that you could attempt to shut both sprinklers by putting both thumbs into the holes on the ceiling. your arms will nearly fall, and you'll scream helplessly, watching the water ruining your friend's carpet, furniture, bathroom...

- in case you're standing in the middle of a flooded apartment and decide you should start draining from the bathroom, DO NOT use the fancy porcelain black trash bin. you will not only break the but also cut your hand too.

- in case you're driving down the i5 on a sunday afternoon and if you crave a lo-carb monster like there's no tomorrow, and if you stop by casa de fruta in the middle of nowhere to buy your dose of taurine, DO NOT take a shitty coca-cola rip off of an energy drink if the gas station does not carry monsters. it will taste like shit, make you nauseous and screw your stomach for a good few hours. of course the bumper to bumper traffic near la doesn't help either.

- in case you're wondering if i've made any of these up, stop. i did not, i think.

I have a wierd flu bug that comes and goes...
Like yesterday everything was fine and all of suddent I threw up on the dental hygenist in the dentist office...
and today again i had to stay in bed for the whole day...
it's been like that for a while now..
I just tired and bored...
Is there anything called " Bored Again?"

The good news for you means someone else will be disappointed
Her happiness is in part due to the fact that you had to let go of something so she was able to have it...
One's trash, one's treasure...
His gain, her loss

Who are we kidding? Nothing really happens in the world...
Nothing of any importance at least..

many are always smarter than a few, or are they? many are always more miserable too. many are always dumber. i mean i see that collectivism does exist, but i also believe in portfolio theory, which states that many are always less risky than a few.

i think the only point in which the two may converge is where conservatism is considered 'smart'. i believe i hate that point, hence i refuse to believe in both collectivism and portfolio theory at the same time. i hereby declare myself an individualist, i choose to stay a singular portfolio, maximizing the risk in hopes of infinite returns.

i'm sick.

somewhere in believer the guy said the minute the world stops hating the jews they will be extinct. the white trash barista at diedrich's will probably die if she runs out of reasons to hate the world. the persian guy at chevron's will die if his customers stop making him repeat himself a gizillion times with his thick accent. the hispanic girl at the dry cleaning will die if her customers didn't notice her obesity. we will all die sooner or later, and i will probably die the day i find happiness.

Whenever I am the verge of achieving something...
i stop and ask myself " Why?"
I have never been able to come up with a decent answer...
I am thinking of retiring one of these days...
soon
soon...