this is going to sound very cheesy.
we were waiting for our 23" pizza when he said he'll look into teaching options in ucla. i told him he'd be too dumb to do that, and it came off rather too strong. we talked a bit and everybody said something and pizza arrived and we ate and left.
driving home i just couldn't figure why i did that. why did i tell him he should be too dumb to do that. am i jealous? did i really overreact because i knew i couldn't do that myself and i wanted to? i really hoped it wasn't that, but i couldn't articulate why else i would cough up my objection like that.
i am not jealous. i don't find life very exciting, and he is excited, and that makes me feel insecure.
ok this is worse than cheesy, this is just pure bullshit. whatev.
3 Comments:
you used "whatev"... you are channeling ziza. hahaha
Wow, interesting! you got to learn this about yourself. Insecure!! wow !! too much confidence to cover the insecurities!
could it be really so? i mean i'm basically not excited about things life offer anymore and i do get cross when people show the fire...its not pure jealosuy more sorta yeah i've been- there- fuck- you- its not gonna- do you- any good- in- no- time and yeah it just more comes to me when others are letting their imaginations go wild...hated to be so but then boredom with other's excitement is so easy innit?
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