we laughed as we drank up and danced and passed out, sashimi with oysters and shooters and trout.

we fumbled and tripped over seaweed and sand, we rolled as we held on to each other's hands.

we sang some old songs and we messed up the rhymes, we called it a night, good times, good times.

it's hard to write about nothing with so many things going on... wait, i should correct myself, with so many things going on in my head. it's always in my head. i think my head is fat, not as fat as google though. everything is in google, and many things are in my head. the new waitress from the the vietnamese place is also in my head. the guy on the other table asked her if she's got a boyfriend, she said she does, but he's back home. i wonder if he's cheating on her, i wonder if she'll cheat on him too. i wonder if she can go back, i mean is she even legal? can i go back?

i got a quote for my ticket today. third time this month, not buying of course. the conversation makes me feel like it's happening. she asks me if i'm flexible, do i mind leaving on monday, maybe i wouldn't, it's cheaper, i don't. i get a quote with air france too, thinking i could make a stop to visit my aunt on the way, how many days in paris, two should do, i hear her keyboard as she clicks away my imaginary itinerary with her long fake nails, i recognize the hollow squeak, our secratary uses them. i ask for her name, just to make sure i won't talk to her the next time i call. she calls me dear, i think she's into me. i hang up.

school started on monday and i'm already burned out. work is worse than ever, and they skipped my review this year : no money to spare. it's getting too hot again. i'm starting to have some feelings abour ultra liberals too : i think i hate them as much as the ultra conservatives. ultra sucks. ultra is destructive. it's good that r is not as close to me nowadays, i'd have spent all my money on toxic dried leaves, not that i have any, but still.

this is bullshit, it's all in my head. i just need to go back home, i really do. i'm calling the agency tomorrow...

we had sushi and Sake...

It was the first time in my life that I ate more than others and was still hungry...

But I paid the same as others...

On the way to our cars, S kept talking about her Crazy Ex who refused to sleep with her out of the fear that he falls for her and then she leaves her, like all other girls before her...
She eventually married this guy she was friends with forever...
I kept looking at my top with red Chinese patterns, under the yellow light it looked black and white...
all our clothes looked black and white
it was like we were in one of those old movies
even our faces looked black and white..
I causually told them that I am pretty much single again, and even one of them suggested to introduce me to someone someone...
B called me and we decided to buy a HOOKA for "T," as a wedding present...
I think "T" really loves this one " Cause he is the only boy she hasnt cheated on, well at least as of yet.."
Later we decided to have Tea in that English Tea room place..

I have learned that friendship is about nothing...
you dont even have to care much, or listen....
you dont need to put too much pressure on anything
or make it complicated..
Friendship is about Sake, Sushi, Hooka, cheap mexican food, and never ending talks...

She lectures you and everybody else in spirituality and needs admiration....
She reminds you that you are not good enough
that you try to make others happy
that you care about materialistic world

do nothing, no argue, no rationalization


he is going to fuck it up, he is going to destroy himself one more time

just smile and go one with your boring life


they complain about loneliness and yet refuse to come out of their islands....

show sympathy....

He congratulates you but only to remind you that his son did better than you...
he who told you in times of need " I am sorry, have a lot of work to do around house.. too busy.. bye..."

Just thank and hang up the phone...

She has no regards for others...
and accuses you of a being a person who wants to please everybody...

Just tell her :" maybe you are right...."

and the people who never returned your phone calls, or didn't show up when they were supposed to...

Never remind them anything...
they have their lousy selves to live with....

Go on....
the secrete to happy life is being an observer at times...

the secret to happy life is pretending to listen and empathize at times...

you don't have to be a door mat for others...

don't do anything special...

just go on ...
live your boring ,usual, and semi happy life....

Others, let them live their own lives , let them make their own mistakes...
they are entitled to it..

she's only as confident as her glasses. she can't be sure about what she can't see. it's the vision which is flawed, or lack there of for that matter.
he proposed an alternative, an exquisite manifest of colorful lies, pruned, painted and plastered across the horizon with his own unearthly craftsmanship. you could never be wrong when you lie, you're indeed creating a new universe, a new dimension in which the only possible truth is your own production.

and they lived happily ever after, maybe.

this update just in: not achieving much these days in keeping with tradition.

What do u do when two friends who have the best of intentions get into an argument...
bring up something that was deep down there locked...
You know one of those things that can go on , and have been going on, for thousands of years for no good reason..
one of those things..
What do you do when all you can do is watch and bite your finger nails??
Why of all the people you should undrestand the both sides? why the both sides shouldnt undrestand each other..
why it's always me!!!!
You just sit done watch and do nothing..
and then decide that from now on, you need to cut done on the number of your iranian friends...

We went to the "specialty store for make up," I asked a friend what kind of compact powder she recommends..
she looked around, and shook her head..
and then pulled out her make up bag..
" here, I always use this try it, You can't find it here..."
and then tried some on my face..
We were surrounded by all those free sample, yet we opted to use our own...
talk about achieving nothing

let me tell you about heartache and the loss of god... huh, not really. let me tell you about sunshine and a brand new day... maybe later. let me tell you about peppermint mini altoids, brown ale, and the angel who came down to my balcony on a thursday evening, a very ordinary day.

he said he's late so he ain't stayin for long. he said he's thirsty and his canteen is all out of wine. he said he's tired and his wings ain't that strong. he can't drink no beer and before i poured him some night-old wine he chugged down the bottle and sat down on the ground, his wings don't fit in no chairs of mine. i stared at his eyes in quite, and watched him lose his consciousness as the night fell from the sky above us. when i lost sight i heard him cryin, sobbin softly as if his dad's dyin. i heard him singin a song right before i passed out, somethin about god, about how he promised he won't let his angels down. now i'd never heard an angel sing, never heard one cryin, never even seen one flyin.

it was still dark when i woke up, i couldn't hear him cryin. blindly i reached for his wings but there ain't no feathers around me, nothin. i started singin his song to the night, something about god, about how he ain't gonna let noone down. now i ain't sure if he can hear me cause i ain't no angel, but the angel must be somewhere near, maybe he'll hear my song, and fly to his god, cryin.

no big deal, all this. i just thought i should let y'all now, about the angel who came down tonight.

i was watching the stupid tv last night and the tv was watching the stupid me. i didn't go to school so the school didn't get to see me. i didn't study for my final either, because my final didn't feel like having me. i was staring at the walls and the walls stared right back at me. solitude is getting into me in yet another deeper level, in case you couldn't tell.

i had reasons to believe i am a good person. i could count a few people whose lives were more joyful only because of me. "those people have all moved on", my walls keep telling me. happiness is a new computer, a new pill, a new credit card; my tv tries to rejoice. west is the best and we all know it: i live in a state whose gee.dee.pee ranks fifth among the countries in the whole world. i drive a car with an em.pee.three player in its dashboard. i can walk to the pacific ocean. my shaving machine cleanses itself automatically. there's even a well-educated, pretty and witty woman in my life. god damn it, for f**k's sake why am i not happy right now?

something's gotta be missing. maybe it's the weather. screw weather, this is southern freakin california. maybe it's my mattress. maybe i miss my parents. maybe i should go to church. maybe i should stop listening to cuban music.

maybe it's me. i'm just not present, i think it's me, i'm missing out on my life. life, my life, you're too fast for me, please wait, i want to catch up.

This is the reason that I cant help but love my brother...
He is a such a pragmatic dude!!! Hail to dad..

"So I have been in Stuttgart for a while.
Stuttgart is not a big tourist destination and doesn't have much to offer. I am staying at S's house, which is somewhat far from the city center.
Iran lost the game. Iran dominated the first half but pulled back in the second half. Made a couple of stupid mistakes and Mexico took advantage. Ali Daei is too old to move, he should have retired years ago. Mexico sucked too, they won't stand a chance to advance deep into the playoffs.
There were more Mexican fans than Iranians. They also seemed more experienced in this sort of thing. I think for a lot of Iranians this was their first match. The Iranian team was wearing red and we were all dressed in white. Overall it was a good experience. Although I am open to selling my other ticket for 500$ or more. I probably won't since S is coming to that game and I won't have anything else todo unless I go to another city. It will cost me a lot to go to Spain, otherwise I would.

K and J are cute as hell and good mannered overall.
The house is crowded. B and M are here too. B is still a nonstop smoking machine. S and H arrived yesterday at 1:00 am. They have anounced the have just married in US, but I don't see any rings.


Well I need to plan for sth to do. Otherwise I will be home with the rest of the crowd.

-B"

"... he's a liar and a cheater. he's got a constant lover that he keeps going back to, and he fools around with others. we need to stop men like him. warn her... "

- constant lover.

he's too easy to mistrust, too easy to mislead. too naive to second guess, too dumb to think twice. too young to know better, too old not to care. too funny, too lame, too predictable, too spontaneous. too close to the borderline, too confused. warn her, warn her, may she not let herself be amused. amen.

- he.

it's waaay too hot. take off your shoes. off with the jeans. take off your shirt. sit on the balcony chairs, the ferforje ones with the ice cold metallic back rest. lean back, bare skin against the chilled rods. easy. slow. easy. it hurts. it burns. it stings. it's brutal. aaaawwwwwwh. but it feels so good...

i may be crucified for this... but can someone tell me how many poems with tea leaves and cardamom and grandma's cooking permeating the air is needed to make us who we are?! i catch myself inserting this stuff into my writings sometimes so they become more "ethnic" more "cultured" more "nostalgic"... cause my writings are certainly ordinary [ordinary meaning void of any kind of reference to my heritage or the enormous pain and prejudice that I encountered in america] and not good enough for the english language, and without these words they don't seem to be good enough for my own race either! why am i feeling guilty and intimidated reading non-ethnic poetry to americans AND iranians?! and no, i don't want to capitalize those words!

He's afraid to click. He's not sure if he'd want to know. He's dying to know. He already knows what he's about to learn. He's afraid to click. He should click. He'll click. He could never click. What if it's her? What if it's not? He can't not click. He'd kill to know. He does not want to know. He's afraid to click.

Open a new page. New is good. New is clean. Open a new world. Write a letter, a word, a sentence. Draw a line. Draw the sun. Underline it. Imagine her. Draw a smile. Watch her smile. Draw a box. Imagine me. I'm in the box. Draw a door. Open the door. Draw a bird. Free the bird. Close the door. Drop the box. Erase the lines. Erase a letter, a word, the sentences. Erase the whole world. Clean the mess. Close the page.

He's afraid to click. He will, he won't, he won't, he can't, he won't. He clicked. No he didn't. He's afraid to click. He can never ever click.

Yade man bashad beravam Baghe Hassan Gojeh va Gheisii bekharam!!!!

Everybody is gone!!! I mean literally everybody
To Germany to support their beloved team. Back home to chase after their long gone power, influence and nostalgia. Somewhere in middle of nowhere to meditate and pray for all the lost souls, a rainforest just to hold hand with the love of their life
To some far away land to chase after their dreams, or maybe chase after themselves..
Everybody is gone...
And I have no complaints...
I have everything to myself, the house, the cars, the remote, myself, my friends, my schedule..
there is nobody to be worried for, there is nobody to argue with, there is nobody to...
It's only me and myself..
I sat down and cut the Costco card into pieces... Now it's trader Joe's, whole foods, Iranian grocery stores, and the vegetable garden..
they are all gone, he is gone...
It's me and my world..
Nothing too complicated, nothing to be worried about..
I am fine, for those of u who got worried and ask , I am really fine
Normal, sometimes happy, sometimes moody,sometimes worried, and sometimes just nothing
Chinese food was delicious today, I cooked yesterday I know to my own amazement it was pretty good!!!
I will go hiking tomorrow and mow lawns one of these days
the car is due for smog check
I will pay credit card bills pretty soon
tomorrow I will be in flea market, will burn 30$ ...
I am still waiting to hear back from schools...
I may move out of state by fall, or may not..
if not I get to meet my highschool buddy in September
I have two books to read and tons of movies to watch..
I have yet to go to my aunt's and have dinner...
I have decided that I will not call my other uncle anymore... once a year is enough, it's ok you cant have a great relationship with everybody who shares a last name with you.. People are who they are
Instead I call my sister more...
It's ok I don't have to Love Eagles anymore it was just a phase..
I don't have to read "Tazkaratol Olia"
anymore, it's hard to read and kinda racist..
It's ok people can make mistakes, including me...
I may never make it...
I may end up a homeless on the streets of S.F
Or maybe L.A
or maybe oh not Seattle it rains a lot there
I may even not write half assed plays anymore..
I may NOT
It's ok.. I have me to myself
I am content
I like it here...