i was watching the stupid tv last night and the tv was watching the stupid me. i didn't go to school so the school didn't get to see me. i didn't study for my final either, because my final didn't feel like having me. i was staring at the walls and the walls stared right back at me. solitude is getting into me in yet another deeper level, in case you couldn't tell.

i had reasons to believe i am a good person. i could count a few people whose lives were more joyful only because of me. "those people have all moved on", my walls keep telling me. happiness is a new computer, a new pill, a new credit card; my tv tries to rejoice. west is the best and we all know it: i live in a state whose gee.dee.pee ranks fifth among the countries in the whole world. i drive a car with an em.pee.three player in its dashboard. i can walk to the pacific ocean. my shaving machine cleanses itself automatically. there's even a well-educated, pretty and witty woman in my life. god damn it, for f**k's sake why am i not happy right now?

something's gotta be missing. maybe it's the weather. screw weather, this is southern freakin california. maybe it's my mattress. maybe i miss my parents. maybe i should go to church. maybe i should stop listening to cuban music.

maybe it's me. i'm just not present, i think it's me, i'm missing out on my life. life, my life, you're too fast for me, please wait, i want to catch up.