there was this kid in our house, she was funny, she was silly and later on she grew up to be pretty too. there was this guy, we called him dad, workoholic, and he asked us to do things around the house, now and then. never ever occurred to me not to listen to him, then there was this evening, all of us watching some silly tv show, little me and her and hin and this other woman, 'the' woman, and this guy asked the girl to take this tray back to the kitchen, and she didn't budge, instead she asked him to do it himself : "she is different", rest of us silently learned.

there was this night, it was winter, i left. three of them stayed together, people who stay together have fun, i didn't stay, i didn't have fun. then i promised myself i'll be there when the little girl leaves. i decided i won't let her be one, she'll be with me, and we'll be two.

there is this law, something about a piece of paper, keeps people away from each other. there is this thing they say we can't change, something about where you come from, there is things i don't quite get, and there is quite a few of them.

there's this day, sometime next week, this little girl, my little sis, she's leaving too. there's this world, it's way too big, and she'll go to its other corner. i realize today that i won't be there, that she'll be one, that i'll be one, just a few thousand miles away, no biggie, it's all good. it's just that i won't be there, i'll break my promise to myself, something about a big word, somethning like priorities, something about a piece of paper, i don't quite get.

there's this guy, same guy, more gray hair, we talked yesterday. he said she's leavin, he said they're back where they started, him and the woman, and nothing else. he said it's all good. there's this thing in my chest, i don't quite get, it hurts, something about happiness, something about home, i don't quite get.

there's this thing we call life, simply complicated, a good few things about it, i don't quite get.

here is the best part of the song
where i admit that i might be wrong
because if they are good
and if they are right
then they’ll have their rapture
one of these nights
but if they are wrong...

i just can't get it out of my head. nuts. as if this was not good enough, this follows...

as i was saying
i know that i’m one of the few who got away from you
steven smith , we all lose
one look at you
and they’re suddenly covered in
shrapnel too
it’s true, most die in your bedroom...

1.Whenever I set my clock's alarm on... I wake up earlier than the designated time begging my alarm not to go on when it's supposed to do..
It sounds so damn scary

2.My mother's latest behavioral analysis honors yet another dumb cousin of mine: she believes that the reason he doesnt like anybody touches his collection of expensive knives ( he is a good cook), is the fact that he wants to feel powerful in his teritory (kitchen),and that's because he grew up in a dysnfunctional family with an abusive father. And not the fact that he just doesnt want anything happens to his 100$ knives


My latest behavioral analysis; the fact that I have been locked out of home so many times lately because my mom was out with my key. Is the fact that out of her 4 children my mom never truely loved me; and I just don't buy my brother's theory of " She is just forgetful, she does that to everybody!!!"

There's a somewhat unnecessarily long footnote on this page of my book of life, and it goes like this :

" As events unfold, one may observe that her initial intention to stay reserved and unavailable retains very little significance, if any. Quite conversely his display of confidence deems a more thorough analysis as he takes immense pleasure in watching his words calm her wet eyes. He's obviously not as positive as he sounds, after all he sees the signs and he acknowldges them. Funny how the tables have turned.

On a rather more vulgar note, could it be that he thinks he's more feisty than the pain? Maybe he likes her, and he'd like to duel over her? He wants to defeat her pain, doesn't he?

All things considered, one could always argue that he's too much of an egoist to give in, and the rest is just another story of his, just like his whole life.

Could anyone ever live someone else's story? Time will probably tell, somewhere around the next chapter, probably. "

I think I'll ask the editor to cut the whole thing out. It's rubbish.

Things that I can never say in public ,but like to get off my chest

1. When the Lead singer of Cold Play sings he seems very very creepy
Btw why the heck COLDPLAY is so popular WHY??

2. James Blunt Can't Sing, I mean his voice is so annoying...

3. Julia Roberts can't act... never ever

4. Cousin "R" is an insecure, racist, asshole who only dates rich white guys( well and finally she married one with a British Accent)...
And she hates me for the fact that I don't admire her being beautiful, successful, and Lawyer

5. I like Barry Manillow very much..
and every single musical that has ever been on Broadway

6. After season 2 " Six Feet Under," has jumped the sharks and become a has been TV series with bunch of pathetic, unrelatable characters... I stopped watching it in the middle of season 4

7. I don't listen to my dad when he talks for half an hour...
He has said the same things since I was a kid

8. I find My uncle watching Chick flicks and crying really disturbing, given the fact that he is a rather cold person in real life

9. The first time that I got my heart broken I listened to an either NSYNC or Backstreat boys song and cried!!!

10. I once called a Scientologist a religious fanatic and have never felt more proud of myself

11. The only part of food that I like is dessert

12. When a friend of mine marries I don't talk to her/him anymore. It's just waste of time

- When Chuck Norris punches, he only uses his left arm, as using the right would cause a rift in time.

- Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.

more...

I should take the train tonight, because then I get to spend more time with these guys, I mean I'm really only going to catch up with these guys, so I should indeed take the train.

If I take the train I can't quite decide to leave whenever I felt like it. I can't be in control, I certainly can't take the train tonight.

I should take the train tonight, I hate traffic and 5 is going to be horrible and my car needs new brake pads anyways, yep, train it's gonna be.

I should go visit R. while I'm there, I should call him up, make late night plans, go have dinner with these guys and leave later to meet up with R. and his buddies, haven't seen them forever. Train sucks, I need my car tonight.

I should take the train tonight, the cafe car has got that nasty arrogant bastard ale, it's been forever since I last had one.

I'm totally driving, I've got to listen to this new cd a few times to find my favorite tracks, where else could I listen to it for an hour with no distractions?

...and the day goes by.

To do list....

1. I should send a transcript to all the schools that have put me on the wait list

2. I should call my sister and discuss the recent divorce of my uncle's sister in law,and the fact that she was married less than a year and ohh she didn't invite us to her wedding

3. I should get used to waking up early in the morning

4. I should respect my 77 year old aunt who has nothing better to do than coming to our place recalling her abusive husband whom she left 30 years ago!!! and be sympathetic to her( you know the stories that even her kids are tired of hearing, but my mom being the last nice person in the family still listens to her)


5.I should stop getting angry at myself anytime I come across the stupid FOB that I dated for 4 months 3 years ago...
I should look at dating a stupid FOB with a goatee, undying love for gossip, and a virgin sister as a mistake that I was allowed to make when I was younger and will never repeat....

6. I should be a better significant other....

7. I should send an extra letter of recommendation with a cover letter to all the schools that have put me on the waiting list

8. I should finish my FAFSA or unless I will be short 50k comes next year

9. I should call this childhood friend whose mother was the source of all kind of traumas back in Iran, since she called my mom every other day trying to compare my grades with her daughter's grades..
you know the same woman who called my father's act of sending his kids to U.S a betrayal to the country and then married her 26 year old daughter off to a 42 year old orthodontist only to have her come and live 10 mins away from me..
I should call her and invite her over for dinner or something,and tell her how good it is to have her around!!!

10. I should reply to my high school buddy's email and tell her how happy I am for her, and the fact that she is 6 months pregnant... and it's not weird at all..
Given the fact that we used to call hot guys in high school together and ran prank calls on them..

11. I should address my anger, trust, and fear issues...
I should address all kinds of issues...

and instead I just like to eat a sandwich and take a nap...
I seriously do...

costco and trader joe's don't go together, but I go to both. i spent hours and dollars in both today. i tried samples of portable yogurt tubes and microwavable fried cod in costco, and i tried a ham slice dipped in warm spicy spricot sauce in trader joe's. oh well, who am i to judge them, i think they're both great stores.

and now, i and my fully replenished fridge shelves are waiting for the next draught. i will survive, haha...
...even if she keeps not returning my calls, that is.

there's a jewish settlement in my brain today, refusing to relocate.
there's a wall on my shoulders as i keep moving,
- blocking my thoughts -
there's a suicidal bomb in my chest,
exploding my mind,
obliterate,
liberate.

mother do you think she's dangerous, to me?

i have these ridiculous conversations with people on the elevator at work which put these ridiculous "oh i'm enjoying my conversation with you so much" smile on my face which i flash people with on my way to my cube and then i get to my cube and all of a sudden realize that the ridiculous smile is still there! what's up with that?!

She a lawyer, she pretty, nice shoes, kind eyes.

Me not funny, me talk, me laugh, contained? me not.

We dine, she wine, me whiskey, sarcastic me whine.

I pay, she car, she call, I may.

So I am in Florida and enjoying the hell outta weather!!!! I am blogging from the terrace of hostel... right in front of the beach.. and the breeze is just damn nice
and I have no business blogging... I really dont... I havent even taken pictures, time is too valuable too be wasted on such things.,
anyways... It's just that I had to wait to for this weird NYC/Jewish lady who was wearing a weird hat with flower at night to finish up with computer and I can check my emails..
So she told me I had to wait since she was searching for a very important thing..I went down hang out with three german gals( btw single guys if u want to pick up hot naive european gals, look no further than hostels) and a Financial analyst from Boston and this guy who was vacationing after 8 1/2 years of running his business with no vacation ...
and checking out with the rest of the gals, the hot black guy...
so I came back to the computer room the Jewish lady with the hat was going all over the desktop cleaning it, deleting everything making sure she had left no trace and stuff..
Low and behold i go to Yahoo! Mail and there it is..
Email folders :
Ben Feldmen, Uncle ...., LA Teachers, gifts and blah blah...
and this women even tried to clear the browser's history and catch!!!!
but then what's life without us forgetting to log out of YAHOO! mail on a public computer??
What's life without a muslim girl being able to read Ben Jewish Feldman's emails and just dont that cause she is just too tired...
What's life without a nice breeze from Atlantic Ocean!!!!!
What's life without the crazy guy with a metal detector in the beach late at nite????

I have often noticed that my facial hair does not grow with an even pace. Some mornings there's hardly anything to shave, some mornings the braun ritual takes longer than my shower. While much has been said and written on 'when' and 'what' to shave, not many significant sceintific documents have touched on the sensitive subject of 'why' facial hair grows in the first place, and as d. adams has clearly stated in his ultimate guide for life, universe and everything else the latter is of crucial importance in understanding any complex phenomenon such as where and what to eat for lunch.

Although aging and natural metabolism offer credible explanations for beard growth, neither elaborates on its pace. The following is a conclusion based on recent experiments conducted by myself :

A few nights ago I took two shots of chilled skyy with an ex, kissed her goodbye and went out to a party with a few people. I engaged myself in a most intriguing three-hour conversation on how to market farsi word magnets as a result of which I scheduled a breakfast date with the creator for next week, then I held a relationship consulting session for the driver during the one-hour ride on the way back while everyone else passed out on the back seat, finalizing it by asking the driver out for dinner on thursday night. The next morning, there was hardly any hair on my face to shave.

Last night I read two case studies on impacts of globalization on chinese and indian economies, cancelled my date for thursday night, scheduled a group meeting instead, watched ice age with my ex and her son, rejected her invitation for a coffee afterwards, went through my accouting problem set, then finally did some actual market research for language magnets, threw some numbers into an excel sheet and sent them to my breakfast date, asking her if she'd still need to meet since I might have not much to add. This morning sure enough I spent two four-minute poe tracks shaving.

The "morality law of facial hair growth rate" hereby states that facial hair grows faster when the soul is content and bodily desires are suppressed; alternatively it stops growing when lust takes over both in terms of a physical desire for flesh and a mental urge to seduce through an orgy of expensive booze and cheap philosophy.

The other day I was doing my much delayed and desired!! Spring cleaning ( well technically Spring hasn't arrived in Nor cal yet, and I am so looking forward to my Florida trip and some SUNSHINE!!)anyways, I noticed that I barely throw anything away.
I still have the letters and post cards that my friend sent me from Iran when I moved here.. I donno how many moving they have survived..
I still have a flyer from a restaurant in Seattle ( I have been there in Summer of 2002!) I never throw away the jars of my moisturizers and night creams, and put them to some use..Today I sent an email wishing happy birthday to a friend, we have been friends for 20 years and I am only 27.I am still in touch with most of the people I went to elementary school with..
And then there is the crazy habit of organizing. I have one container for my necklaces, rings, and bracelets. I put the hair products on one side of the shelf, the skin products on the other side, and the moisturizer on the shelf beneath .And the next shelves is filled with the mini travel supplies.Even in the refrigerator I am constantly trying to put the likes together..
And now I am thinking what all of these mean? Why I never throw things away? Is it because I grew up in war and I was always told to conserve, that consuming is a sin,that there is a recession plus hyperinflation!!Or is it the fear of loosing?? is it fear?? Or is it me being environmentally conscious?? I was raised that way I suppose..
And then the organizing:isn't it an indicator of me trying to organize and categorize everything, put things into places that I just suppose they belong which makes them more accessible to me???
Why do I always yell at people who are not on time, and call them irresponsible?
Why did I make the Significant other writing down his dreams in order to know himself better?
Why I don't wear a bikini because I used to be in a swimming team and I feel obliged to wear real swimming suit even in Miami beach?
Is it possible that things have no specific meaning and they don't even happen for a reason?
Is it possible that I don't throw things away cause I am lazy??
Is it possible that I organize things cause I like to save myself sometime?
And will one day come that I stop analyzing myself and the world???
Ha ...