and one year goes by... god forbid, we didn't accomplish anything here, did we?!

i am milk.

what's the adjective that describes absolutely nothing? anyone? anyone?

while you're thinking, for those who wonder how much it would cost to have an organ removed from their belly and go back for blood transfusion the following week the total racks up to approximately $52k, compared to which the thousand dollar copay looks incredibly negligible. it's comparable to a decent bmw, an MBA in an average b-school, or the GDP of guatemala in early 1900s probably. so next time you wanted to have an extra organ removed, make sure you consider all of your alternative bangs for the same buck.

my moods are killing me. i'm constantly questioning my status on the happiness spectrum, i have been pretending to be someone else and somewhere else for so long i have literally lost any sense of my own reality. i keep catching myself pretending to be happy by singing to myself under the shower, or pretending to be sad by choosing to eat alone supposedly to study but actually just to sit at one big table all by myself and look aloof and preoccupied, sipping on my water-no-ice, poking my slice of lemon with my transparent thick straw. i wish i could smoke too, or at least owned a really old ragged blazer jacket and wore somewhat grey facial hair... i'm pathetic.

i'm practically lying to everyone who asks me how i am. i lie about my problems, or lack thereof for that matter. i highlight the most insignificant ones and never ever mention what bothers me the most. i mean it's never cool to miss your family, it's not cool to mourn over a relationship a year or so later, it's not cool to have pretty much the problems of every average joe, but it's cool to sound confused and depressed for no apparant reason, it's cool not to give a fuck, it's cool to bitch about everything that many wish they could have...

but then i'm not happy, i'd be lying if i said i am, i'm not sad either, i lack any single good reason to be so. until someone suggests the appropriate adjective in question, i just am, period.

I am a non-achiever who goes to the school that is ranked 7th in California amongst the 7 schools of its kinds...
I sleep on a twin bed at nights..
the other night my classmates car was stolen, and in the morning i found my car's trunk open and all the doors open and couldn't turn it on.. but that was about it.. the thief didn't even bother to like take the coffee maker and the yoga mat in my car. I mean even the thieves that come after my things are non-achievers..
everyday i have to listen to my roommate whining about the Indian boyfriend who went back home and called her to tell her he is marrying a virgin ...
My best friend is totally into scented candles and had bought me like a ton of them so everytime she comes over i have to lit them for her.. and i am allergic to anything that smells.. i know i can tell her the truth.. but then if i start opening up to her, she will do the same thing and honestly i don't really feel like hearing about how she got her heart broken and stuff.. i will take the smell over that anytime...
And me and my friends spend good part of the day after thanksgiving in the Hyatt's Bathroom in SF it was nice it had orchids, we sat there and watched people and took pictures..

i have to study for finals.. but i am blogging...
I think that Beatle's song " Nowhere Man, " was penned based on my life...
and believe me i am not wrong..

he took her photo off the wall last night.

she didn't take her night gown when she left. neither did she ever call for her shiny black purse, nor the dusty sandals she was wearing in joshua. the carpet is still in his closet, the one he was supposed to sell, he did get a few disappointing estimates, but left it at that.

he doesn't know what she took with her, i mean he could count a few things like the illustrated novel or the little prince or even his bathing suit, but he doesn't know what she took away that changed everything. all he knows is that he never ever felt secure after she left.

it kinda makes sense though: she once said she's never ever felt secure during their eight years of relationship, and he was always the most confident guy around her. she must have found the source of his self-esteem, maybe in his bedroom somewhere, one of those sunday afternoons when she'd just kill some time surfing the web while he would read or watch a stupid movie in the living room, and then this one day after one of their neverending fights she must have just taken it away.

long term relationships have long lasting effects. he's now adamant on his belief that there's no such thing as a happy ending to anything, she's probably the most confident girl ever for the time being, seeking the next guy who'd steal her security away, over and over and over again.