what's the adjective that describes absolutely nothing? anyone? anyone?

while you're thinking, for those who wonder how much it would cost to have an organ removed from their belly and go back for blood transfusion the following week the total racks up to approximately $52k, compared to which the thousand dollar copay looks incredibly negligible. it's comparable to a decent bmw, an MBA in an average b-school, or the GDP of guatemala in early 1900s probably. so next time you wanted to have an extra organ removed, make sure you consider all of your alternative bangs for the same buck.

my moods are killing me. i'm constantly questioning my status on the happiness spectrum, i have been pretending to be someone else and somewhere else for so long i have literally lost any sense of my own reality. i keep catching myself pretending to be happy by singing to myself under the shower, or pretending to be sad by choosing to eat alone supposedly to study but actually just to sit at one big table all by myself and look aloof and preoccupied, sipping on my water-no-ice, poking my slice of lemon with my transparent thick straw. i wish i could smoke too, or at least owned a really old ragged blazer jacket and wore somewhat grey facial hair... i'm pathetic.

i'm practically lying to everyone who asks me how i am. i lie about my problems, or lack thereof for that matter. i highlight the most insignificant ones and never ever mention what bothers me the most. i mean it's never cool to miss your family, it's not cool to mourn over a relationship a year or so later, it's not cool to have pretty much the problems of every average joe, but it's cool to sound confused and depressed for no apparant reason, it's cool not to give a fuck, it's cool to bitch about everything that many wish they could have...

but then i'm not happy, i'd be lying if i said i am, i'm not sad either, i lack any single good reason to be so. until someone suggests the appropriate adjective in question, i just am, period.